Life is not about answers (shock horror?), it’s about questions to ask.
I figured this out a while ago now, but for some reason today it’s popped back into my mind. I remember I was getting on a plane somewhere and just really needed to sort my head out. I felt a right mess.
I remember I opened my notepad and just wrote and wrote. Every-time a question came up I’d answer it honestly. An answer would come up instinctually, before I could push it away or change it to suit me.
e.g. “do I really want to go to x (wherever it was!)” YES was written down
WHY?
Because I’d always regret it if I don’t
WHY? Because I just need to try, to know, even if I end up right back where I started.
Look at that. The answers were inside me all along. I just had never asked the right questions. We are always so busy looking externally for someone to tell us what to do, or what to think. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to reach out for people when you need help. But it’s good to remember (I think) that we really have all the answers (or should I say questions) inside us. And no-one else can tell us how we feel deep down, or what we really truly want. They just can’t. So don’t ask someone to tell you what to do. Because all you’ll do is regret that you didn’t follow your gut instinct. This is not to say we shouldn’t listen to people around us. Because generally family and friends only tell you something because they love and care about you and they are concerned. So it’s good to listen. It’s good to take this on board. But at the end of the day you alone have to make the decision that is right for you. So stop running scared. You never get far away from what you are running from. Why? Because it’s inside you!! J
So anyway, I then asked myselfWhat’s stopping me then/why do I feel like I don’t want to go?
Because you don’t (I think we can feel two conflicting things at once)
WHY?
I’m scared
WHY?
In case I fail
Fail what?
Myself, the people I love, fail at life
But, if the people you love really love you… they will love you no matter what right?
YES
AND, I could never truly fail, because there would be failure in not trying
YES
So, I had to go, to know, regardless of fear. I couldn’t argue with myself. So I just had to trust all these things will fall away or work out. TRUST IN LIFE
One of my best friends told me her mother used to tell her “trust in life, it will bring you much comfort”. I found this profound at the time and still do really. If we just trust we are in the right place and “The universe will provide” (thanks to another beautiful friend) that’s all we can do. That’s not to say we should just do things nilly willy, but if we know our own mind, and know what we want and where we want to be, then trusting in life is vital!! Or else it’s a little bit difficult to keep sane.
All these things did work themselves out by the way – or still are… but getting there!
Am I glad I did it?
YES
WHY?
Because there was a reasons after all. I’m learning more everyday and without learning, I don’t feel alive. I’m learning to make sense of this world which is so difficult to understand. I’m learning about what this world looks like through my own eyes. I’m learning about me. For the first time in my life, I’m not worrying about everyone around me and I’m thinking about myself.
But of-course still caring about everyone around me. But I think caring and worrying are two different things!
So,
Trusting. Not necessarily my instincts. But just having the courage to questions. And give an honest answer. Even if it scares you. Even if it doesn’t.
It won’t take the pain or happiness away or whatever you were feeling but I just enjoy feeling less confused and more clear about what’s bouncing around my brain – and trust me there’s a lot
And I think sometimes we are sad because we think we are out of control of our destiny or what goes on within us. Or atleast can understand it. And from there, take control, and move forward. What a relief.
What a relief to be relieved of sorrow. If only for a little while.
What a relief to feel I’m making a decision for a reason, for myself, and that I’m not bonkers after all! (well or atleast not in that sense, nothing wrong with being generally a bit bonkers! In fact I encourage it!)
What a relief
What a relief
What a relief
Or should I say release?
Either way – ALL GOOD! J (Thanks to another friend for that comment! I’ve ended up using it a lot when initially I didn’t like it! Now I understand it, I LOVE it!! J)
Eagle – 15/04/2010
I figured this out a while ago now, but for some reason today it’s popped back into my mind. I remember I was getting on a plane somewhere and just really needed to sort my head out. I felt a right mess.
I remember I opened my notepad and just wrote and wrote. Every-time a question came up I’d answer it honestly. An answer would come up instinctually, before I could push it away or change it to suit me.
e.g. “do I really want to go to x (wherever it was!)” YES was written down
WHY?
Because I’d always regret it if I don’t
WHY? Because I just need to try, to know, even if I end up right back where I started.
Look at that. The answers were inside me all along. I just had never asked the right questions. We are always so busy looking externally for someone to tell us what to do, or what to think. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to reach out for people when you need help. But it’s good to remember (I think) that we really have all the answers (or should I say questions) inside us. And no-one else can tell us how we feel deep down, or what we really truly want. They just can’t. So don’t ask someone to tell you what to do. Because all you’ll do is regret that you didn’t follow your gut instinct. This is not to say we shouldn’t listen to people around us. Because generally family and friends only tell you something because they love and care about you and they are concerned. So it’s good to listen. It’s good to take this on board. But at the end of the day you alone have to make the decision that is right for you. So stop running scared. You never get far away from what you are running from. Why? Because it’s inside you!! J
So anyway, I then asked myselfWhat’s stopping me then/why do I feel like I don’t want to go?
Because you don’t (I think we can feel two conflicting things at once)
WHY?
I’m scared
WHY?
In case I fail
Fail what?
Myself, the people I love, fail at life
But, if the people you love really love you… they will love you no matter what right?
YES
AND, I could never truly fail, because there would be failure in not trying
YES
So, I had to go, to know, regardless of fear. I couldn’t argue with myself. So I just had to trust all these things will fall away or work out. TRUST IN LIFE
One of my best friends told me her mother used to tell her “trust in life, it will bring you much comfort”. I found this profound at the time and still do really. If we just trust we are in the right place and “The universe will provide” (thanks to another beautiful friend) that’s all we can do. That’s not to say we should just do things nilly willy, but if we know our own mind, and know what we want and where we want to be, then trusting in life is vital!! Or else it’s a little bit difficult to keep sane.
All these things did work themselves out by the way – or still are… but getting there!
Am I glad I did it?
YES
WHY?
Because there was a reasons after all. I’m learning more everyday and without learning, I don’t feel alive. I’m learning to make sense of this world which is so difficult to understand. I’m learning about what this world looks like through my own eyes. I’m learning about me. For the first time in my life, I’m not worrying about everyone around me and I’m thinking about myself.
But of-course still caring about everyone around me. But I think caring and worrying are two different things!
So,
Trusting. Not necessarily my instincts. But just having the courage to questions. And give an honest answer. Even if it scares you. Even if it doesn’t.
It won’t take the pain or happiness away or whatever you were feeling but I just enjoy feeling less confused and more clear about what’s bouncing around my brain – and trust me there’s a lot
And I think sometimes we are sad because we think we are out of control of our destiny or what goes on within us. Or atleast can understand it. And from there, take control, and move forward. What a relief.
What a relief to be relieved of sorrow. If only for a little while.
What a relief to feel I’m making a decision for a reason, for myself, and that I’m not bonkers after all! (well or atleast not in that sense, nothing wrong with being generally a bit bonkers! In fact I encourage it!)
What a relief
What a relief
What a relief
Or should I say release?
Either way – ALL GOOD! J (Thanks to another friend for that comment! I’ve ended up using it a lot when initially I didn’t like it! Now I understand it, I LOVE it!! J)
Eagle – 15/04/2010
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