It’s hard to ask for help. It’s really hard. But once you’ve done it you realise everyone is happy to help. They aren’t judging you. Amazingly. They aren’t.
It’s hard to be vulnerable. It’s really hard. But the reality of it is, that we just are. We all need a bit of help sometimes. It’s ok to reach out for it. Because, if we don’t reach out, we just stay sitting in this deep dark pit. We just stay there trying to scramble out. Occasionally we get close to the top, but it’s easy to fall back in again.
I think the only way to climb out properly. Is if someone helps you up.
As annoying as it is that I need help and I can’t actually do this alone. I’m glad that there are people who are willing to help pull me up. I’m thankful for those people who are surrounded by light, because at the moment, they aren’t in the ditch. That’s not to say they have never been in it. In fact, mostly they will secretly tell you (once you’ve opened up about needing help) that they themselves have been in there. And in fact, they are proud of you:
a) for recognising you are in there
b) for wanting to get out
c) for having the courage to ask for the help you desperately need
d) for finding the strength you will need, to pull your self out of there
And they then urge you to ask for help (next time) before you stumble back in there. Looking for the signs that there is a ditch up ahead. Putting up some WARNING, DITCH AHEAD signs so that next time you can avoid it. Next time you can just swan on by and wave at the ditch as you chuckle to yourself how clever you were to put that sign there. Just mind that you don’t fall down another one at this point!! J Sometimes when you think you’ve got all the ditches sign posted some sneaky one comes up behind you!! (Probably when you are walking backwards and laughing and waving to your friends about how clever you are).
But that’s just kinda life really… things happen that you can’t predict… things come up that you didn’t know were inside you. Or that you thought you’d worked on before. Turns out you don’t generalise that well. And that’s OK. And you just have to have the strength to keep on pulling yourself up so you will get out of that ditch. Because MAN is it good when you are walking around in the sunshine. It’s glorious.
Glorious.
And it beats everything you’ve ever felt. So don’t give up. Reach out your hand. And let someone help you pull yourself out of there. Don’t think you have to do it on your own. You don’t. I don’t. We don’t.
We all know the song “lean on me, when your not strong”
I need to lean on people now. You might need to as well. But when the time comes they can lean on me. It’s really hard for me to do the leaning part (I’m much better at the being supportive part) cause I’m so used to doing the caring role. I’m so used to being the strong, independent one. I think it’s also a more accepted role in society. But realistically, if I don’t lean, I’m never going to get anywhere from here right? I’m also not going to be able be the leaner or leanee (oh wait, I meant that like employer, as in the person who you lean on) because I won’t have the capacity because I’ve never got myself out of the ditch. So then it’s like two people scrambling around in the ditch. Sure, you might be able to give them a foot up. But they might accidently push you over as they try to push themselves out and you end up face planting the mud. Still stuck, and really dirty. And probably feeling a bit used and betrayed (even when that’s really not what the other person meant to make you feel).
Anyways,
Point? It’s OK to ask for help. It’s better then OK. Asking for help is one step in the right direction. Means you are actually ready to try to climb on out. Which is AWESOME. It gives you that little nudge you needed to keep pushing yourself and realise what you are made of.
Onwards and upwards
Not backwards and downwards
The roads we will travel
Are littered with obstacles
But anything’s possible
With friends who can guide you
With ideas in your head
And strength, in your heart
With fire in your soul
And passion in your heart
The roads we will travel
Will be filled with joy
Joy from a depths
Joy from the heart
Joy from our souls
Who’ve passed through much sorrow
- Eagle 20/4/2010
Good luck in your travels my friends. Enjoy every second, and use the hard times to learn about yourself and others.
Xox Peace and love to you all
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Thursday, 15 April 2010
Blog floggy
You know, it’s hard to know what people would want to read… Not to say I would pander. Just to know what people would read if I posted absolutely every thought that crossed my mind. I’d say it would be hard to sift through to the bits you are interested in!! There is a lot going on in there. All of it very interesting to me! Mainly because it’s happening to me. Did you notice?? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I need to stop posting now!!! I’m going a little (what’s the equivalent to snap happy on camera to a blog?) Blog floggy? Haha. Excellent. I LOVE being snap happy!! We got the best pics in egypt from random ‘camera on the go’. Very artsy!!! You know, artsy or random. Either way, not your typical average shot – not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Xox peace and luuuuuuuuuuurve
Eagle 15/04/2010 (approximately 30 seconds after the last post)
Xox peace and luuuuuuuuuuurve
Eagle 15/04/2010 (approximately 30 seconds after the last post)
Spacey
So I’m less spacey today. I never can tell if this is a good or bad thing. I guess it just is.
I’ve notice I say I guess a lot. Good times.
Think I’m moving towards the more spacey side as the 3:30pm mark approaches.
Chocolate anyone?
I’ve notice I say I guess a lot. Good times.
Think I’m moving towards the more spacey side as the 3:30pm mark approaches.
Chocolate anyone?
From strength to vulnerability, or is it from vulnerability to strength?
You know, it would have been interesting to do a blog when I was a teenager. I look at what I write now vs. what I used to write then. VERY different. Much less angsty (as you would expect) like, to an extent… I still feel the same emotions… I just feel differently about feeling them…
Anyways, of course at that point I was too shit scared to show I was even mildly vulnerable, even though I was falling apart at the seams (I’m struggling here not to say “not literally!” as I work with kids with Autism I’m becoming more and more literal even though I’m the queen of metaphor).
I’d like to say here that my blogs are not just my own thoughts. Over time I have spoken to many friends, family members, colleages (who I also count as friends) and counsellors, who offered me much wisdom – or maybe just understanding, honesty and love are better words to use then wisdom.
For isn’t wisdom something we gain with experience? Isn’t the wise he who knows there is ALWAYS more to learn?
Would you say you more seek understanding and love more then knowing the secrets of the universe? (am I hearing – noooo here?)
Here’s my secret. They ARE the secrets. At least the secrets of the human universe (as in the human race)
OK well atleast, that’s what I need to be happy. We are all different! But that’s my secret. Understanding, honesty and love.
That’s all I ever really wanted. Find that. And you have everything.
Thank-you everyone in my life who showed that to me, in order for me to love myself.
I love you.
Lots of love
Xox Eagle – 15/04/2010
p.s. RIGHT ON!!
Anyways, of course at that point I was too shit scared to show I was even mildly vulnerable, even though I was falling apart at the seams (I’m struggling here not to say “not literally!” as I work with kids with Autism I’m becoming more and more literal even though I’m the queen of metaphor).
I’d like to say here that my blogs are not just my own thoughts. Over time I have spoken to many friends, family members, colleages (who I also count as friends) and counsellors, who offered me much wisdom – or maybe just understanding, honesty and love are better words to use then wisdom.
For isn’t wisdom something we gain with experience? Isn’t the wise he who knows there is ALWAYS more to learn?
Would you say you more seek understanding and love more then knowing the secrets of the universe? (am I hearing – noooo here?)
Here’s my secret. They ARE the secrets. At least the secrets of the human universe (as in the human race)
OK well atleast, that’s what I need to be happy. We are all different! But that’s my secret. Understanding, honesty and love.
That’s all I ever really wanted. Find that. And you have everything.
Thank-you everyone in my life who showed that to me, in order for me to love myself.
I love you.
Lots of love
Xox Eagle – 15/04/2010
p.s. RIGHT ON!!
Search for questions, not answers
Life is not about answers (shock horror?), it’s about questions to ask.
I figured this out a while ago now, but for some reason today it’s popped back into my mind. I remember I was getting on a plane somewhere and just really needed to sort my head out. I felt a right mess.
I remember I opened my notepad and just wrote and wrote. Every-time a question came up I’d answer it honestly. An answer would come up instinctually, before I could push it away or change it to suit me.
e.g. “do I really want to go to x (wherever it was!)” YES was written down
WHY?
Because I’d always regret it if I don’t
WHY? Because I just need to try, to know, even if I end up right back where I started.
Look at that. The answers were inside me all along. I just had never asked the right questions. We are always so busy looking externally for someone to tell us what to do, or what to think. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to reach out for people when you need help. But it’s good to remember (I think) that we really have all the answers (or should I say questions) inside us. And no-one else can tell us how we feel deep down, or what we really truly want. They just can’t. So don’t ask someone to tell you what to do. Because all you’ll do is regret that you didn’t follow your gut instinct. This is not to say we shouldn’t listen to people around us. Because generally family and friends only tell you something because they love and care about you and they are concerned. So it’s good to listen. It’s good to take this on board. But at the end of the day you alone have to make the decision that is right for you. So stop running scared. You never get far away from what you are running from. Why? Because it’s inside you!! J
So anyway, I then asked myselfWhat’s stopping me then/why do I feel like I don’t want to go?
Because you don’t (I think we can feel two conflicting things at once)
WHY?
I’m scared
WHY?
In case I fail
Fail what?
Myself, the people I love, fail at life
But, if the people you love really love you… they will love you no matter what right?
YES
AND, I could never truly fail, because there would be failure in not trying
YES
So, I had to go, to know, regardless of fear. I couldn’t argue with myself. So I just had to trust all these things will fall away or work out. TRUST IN LIFE
One of my best friends told me her mother used to tell her “trust in life, it will bring you much comfort”. I found this profound at the time and still do really. If we just trust we are in the right place and “The universe will provide” (thanks to another beautiful friend) that’s all we can do. That’s not to say we should just do things nilly willy, but if we know our own mind, and know what we want and where we want to be, then trusting in life is vital!! Or else it’s a little bit difficult to keep sane.
All these things did work themselves out by the way – or still are… but getting there!
Am I glad I did it?
YES
WHY?
Because there was a reasons after all. I’m learning more everyday and without learning, I don’t feel alive. I’m learning to make sense of this world which is so difficult to understand. I’m learning about what this world looks like through my own eyes. I’m learning about me. For the first time in my life, I’m not worrying about everyone around me and I’m thinking about myself.
But of-course still caring about everyone around me. But I think caring and worrying are two different things!
So,
Trusting. Not necessarily my instincts. But just having the courage to questions. And give an honest answer. Even if it scares you. Even if it doesn’t.
It won’t take the pain or happiness away or whatever you were feeling but I just enjoy feeling less confused and more clear about what’s bouncing around my brain – and trust me there’s a lot
And I think sometimes we are sad because we think we are out of control of our destiny or what goes on within us. Or atleast can understand it. And from there, take control, and move forward. What a relief.
What a relief to be relieved of sorrow. If only for a little while.
What a relief to feel I’m making a decision for a reason, for myself, and that I’m not bonkers after all! (well or atleast not in that sense, nothing wrong with being generally a bit bonkers! In fact I encourage it!)
What a relief
What a relief
What a relief
Or should I say release?
Either way – ALL GOOD! J (Thanks to another friend for that comment! I’ve ended up using it a lot when initially I didn’t like it! Now I understand it, I LOVE it!! J)
Eagle – 15/04/2010
I figured this out a while ago now, but for some reason today it’s popped back into my mind. I remember I was getting on a plane somewhere and just really needed to sort my head out. I felt a right mess.
I remember I opened my notepad and just wrote and wrote. Every-time a question came up I’d answer it honestly. An answer would come up instinctually, before I could push it away or change it to suit me.
e.g. “do I really want to go to x (wherever it was!)” YES was written down
WHY?
Because I’d always regret it if I don’t
WHY? Because I just need to try, to know, even if I end up right back where I started.
Look at that. The answers were inside me all along. I just had never asked the right questions. We are always so busy looking externally for someone to tell us what to do, or what to think. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to reach out for people when you need help. But it’s good to remember (I think) that we really have all the answers (or should I say questions) inside us. And no-one else can tell us how we feel deep down, or what we really truly want. They just can’t. So don’t ask someone to tell you what to do. Because all you’ll do is regret that you didn’t follow your gut instinct. This is not to say we shouldn’t listen to people around us. Because generally family and friends only tell you something because they love and care about you and they are concerned. So it’s good to listen. It’s good to take this on board. But at the end of the day you alone have to make the decision that is right for you. So stop running scared. You never get far away from what you are running from. Why? Because it’s inside you!! J
So anyway, I then asked myselfWhat’s stopping me then/why do I feel like I don’t want to go?
Because you don’t (I think we can feel two conflicting things at once)
WHY?
I’m scared
WHY?
In case I fail
Fail what?
Myself, the people I love, fail at life
But, if the people you love really love you… they will love you no matter what right?
YES
AND, I could never truly fail, because there would be failure in not trying
YES
So, I had to go, to know, regardless of fear. I couldn’t argue with myself. So I just had to trust all these things will fall away or work out. TRUST IN LIFE
One of my best friends told me her mother used to tell her “trust in life, it will bring you much comfort”. I found this profound at the time and still do really. If we just trust we are in the right place and “The universe will provide” (thanks to another beautiful friend) that’s all we can do. That’s not to say we should just do things nilly willy, but if we know our own mind, and know what we want and where we want to be, then trusting in life is vital!! Or else it’s a little bit difficult to keep sane.
All these things did work themselves out by the way – or still are… but getting there!
Am I glad I did it?
YES
WHY?
Because there was a reasons after all. I’m learning more everyday and without learning, I don’t feel alive. I’m learning to make sense of this world which is so difficult to understand. I’m learning about what this world looks like through my own eyes. I’m learning about me. For the first time in my life, I’m not worrying about everyone around me and I’m thinking about myself.
But of-course still caring about everyone around me. But I think caring and worrying are two different things!
So,
Trusting. Not necessarily my instincts. But just having the courage to questions. And give an honest answer. Even if it scares you. Even if it doesn’t.
It won’t take the pain or happiness away or whatever you were feeling but I just enjoy feeling less confused and more clear about what’s bouncing around my brain – and trust me there’s a lot
And I think sometimes we are sad because we think we are out of control of our destiny or what goes on within us. Or atleast can understand it. And from there, take control, and move forward. What a relief.
What a relief to be relieved of sorrow. If only for a little while.
What a relief to feel I’m making a decision for a reason, for myself, and that I’m not bonkers after all! (well or atleast not in that sense, nothing wrong with being generally a bit bonkers! In fact I encourage it!)
What a relief
What a relief
What a relief
Or should I say release?
Either way – ALL GOOD! J (Thanks to another friend for that comment! I’ve ended up using it a lot when initially I didn’t like it! Now I understand it, I LOVE it!! J)
Eagle – 15/04/2010
Search for questions, not answers
Life is not about answers (shock horror?), it’s about questions to ask.
I figured this out a while ago now, but for some reason today it’s popped back into my mind. I remember I was getting on a plane somewhere and just really needed to sort my head out. I felt a right mess.
I remember I opened my notepad and just wrote and wrote. Every-time a question came up I’d answer it honestly. An answer would come up instinctually, before I could push it away or change it to suit me.
e.g. “do I really want to go to x (wherever it was!)” YES was written down
WHY?
Because I’d always regret it if I don’t
WHY? Because I just need to try, to know, even if I end up right back where I started.
Look at that. The answers were inside me all along. I just had never asked the right questions. We are always so busy looking externally for someone to tell us what to do, or what to think. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to reach out for people when you need help. But it’s good to remember (I think) that we really have all the answers (or should I say questions) inside us. And no-one else can tell us how we feel deep down, or what we really truly want. They just can’t. So don’t ask someone to tell you what to do. Because all you’ll do is regret that you didn’t follow your gut instinct. This is not to say we shouldn’t listen to people around us. Because generally family and friends only tell you something because they love and care about you and they are concerned. So it’s good to listen. It’s good to take this on board. But at the end of the day you alone have to make the decision that is right for you. So stop running scared. You never get far away from what you are running from. Why? Because it’s inside you!! J
So anyway, I then asked myselfWhat’s stopping me then/why do I feel like I don’t want to go?
Because you don’t (I think we can feel two conflicting things at once)
WHY?
I’m scared
WHY?
In case I fail
Fail what?
Myself, the people I love, fail at life
But, if the people you love really love you… they will love you no matter what right?
YES
AND, I could never truly fail, because there would be failure in not trying
YES
So, I had to go, to know, regardless of fear. I couldn’t argue with myself. So I just had to trust all these things will fall away or work out. TRUST IN LIFE
One of my best friends told me her mother used to tell her “trust in life, it will bring you much comfort”. I found this profound at the time and still do really. If we just trust we are in the right place and “The universe will provide” (thanks to another beautiful friend) that’s all we can do. That’s not to say we should just do things nilly willy, but if we know our own mind, and know what we want and where we want to be, then trusting in life is vital!! Or else it’s a little bit difficult to keep sane.
All these things did work themselves out by the way – or still are… but getting there!
Am I glad I did it?
YES
WHY?
Because there was a reasons after all. I’m learning more everyday and without learning, I don’t feel alive. I’m learning to make sense of this world which is so difficult to understand. I’m learning about what this world looks like through my own eyes. I’m learning about me. For the first time in my life, I’m not worrying about everyone around me and I’m thinking about myself.
But of-course still caring about everyone around me. But I think caring and worrying are two different things!
So,
Trusting. Not necessarily my instincts. But just having the courage to questions. And give an honest answer. Even if it scares you. Even if it doesn’t.
It won’t take the pain or happiness away or whatever you were feeling but I just enjoy feeling less confused and more clear about what’s bouncing around my brain – and trust me there’s a lot
And I think sometimes we are sad because we think we are out of control of our destiny or what goes on within us. Or atleast can understand it. And from there, take control, and move forward. What a relief.
What a relief to be relieved of sorrow. If only for a little while.
What a relief to feel I’m making a decision for a reason, for myself, and that I’m not bonkers after all! (well or atleast not in that sense, nothing wrong with being generally a bit bonkers! In fact I encourage it!)
What a relief
What a relief
What a relief
Or should I say release?
Either way – ALL GOOD! J (Thanks to another friend for that comment! I’ve ended up using it a lot when initially I didn’t like it! Now I understand it, I LOVE it!! J)
Eagle – 15/04/2010
I figured this out a while ago now, but for some reason today it’s popped back into my mind. I remember I was getting on a plane somewhere and just really needed to sort my head out. I felt a right mess.
I remember I opened my notepad and just wrote and wrote. Every-time a question came up I’d answer it honestly. An answer would come up instinctually, before I could push it away or change it to suit me.
e.g. “do I really want to go to x (wherever it was!)” YES was written down
WHY?
Because I’d always regret it if I don’t
WHY? Because I just need to try, to know, even if I end up right back where I started.
Look at that. The answers were inside me all along. I just had never asked the right questions. We are always so busy looking externally for someone to tell us what to do, or what to think. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to reach out for people when you need help. But it’s good to remember (I think) that we really have all the answers (or should I say questions) inside us. And no-one else can tell us how we feel deep down, or what we really truly want. They just can’t. So don’t ask someone to tell you what to do. Because all you’ll do is regret that you didn’t follow your gut instinct. This is not to say we shouldn’t listen to people around us. Because generally family and friends only tell you something because they love and care about you and they are concerned. So it’s good to listen. It’s good to take this on board. But at the end of the day you alone have to make the decision that is right for you. So stop running scared. You never get far away from what you are running from. Why? Because it’s inside you!! J
So anyway, I then asked myselfWhat’s stopping me then/why do I feel like I don’t want to go?
Because you don’t (I think we can feel two conflicting things at once)
WHY?
I’m scared
WHY?
In case I fail
Fail what?
Myself, the people I love, fail at life
But, if the people you love really love you… they will love you no matter what right?
YES
AND, I could never truly fail, because there would be failure in not trying
YES
So, I had to go, to know, regardless of fear. I couldn’t argue with myself. So I just had to trust all these things will fall away or work out. TRUST IN LIFE
One of my best friends told me her mother used to tell her “trust in life, it will bring you much comfort”. I found this profound at the time and still do really. If we just trust we are in the right place and “The universe will provide” (thanks to another beautiful friend) that’s all we can do. That’s not to say we should just do things nilly willy, but if we know our own mind, and know what we want and where we want to be, then trusting in life is vital!! Or else it’s a little bit difficult to keep sane.
All these things did work themselves out by the way – or still are… but getting there!
Am I glad I did it?
YES
WHY?
Because there was a reasons after all. I’m learning more everyday and without learning, I don’t feel alive. I’m learning to make sense of this world which is so difficult to understand. I’m learning about what this world looks like through my own eyes. I’m learning about me. For the first time in my life, I’m not worrying about everyone around me and I’m thinking about myself.
But of-course still caring about everyone around me. But I think caring and worrying are two different things!
So,
Trusting. Not necessarily my instincts. But just having the courage to questions. And give an honest answer. Even if it scares you. Even if it doesn’t.
It won’t take the pain or happiness away or whatever you were feeling but I just enjoy feeling less confused and more clear about what’s bouncing around my brain – and trust me there’s a lot
And I think sometimes we are sad because we think we are out of control of our destiny or what goes on within us. Or atleast can understand it. And from there, take control, and move forward. What a relief.
What a relief to be relieved of sorrow. If only for a little while.
What a relief to feel I’m making a decision for a reason, for myself, and that I’m not bonkers after all! (well or atleast not in that sense, nothing wrong with being generally a bit bonkers! In fact I encourage it!)
What a relief
What a relief
What a relief
Or should I say release?
Either way – ALL GOOD! J (Thanks to another friend for that comment! I’ve ended up using it a lot when initially I didn’t like it! Now I understand it, I LOVE it!! J)
Eagle – 15/04/2010
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
After thought to last post
What I'm saying is... One thing shouldn't neccessarily make you happier then the other (e.g. being in a relationship you should feel happier then when you're single) cause MAN does that put pressure on you when you are down (and this WILL happen). You just have to make sure somewhere in your life you leave the time to feel joyous or preferably find it in what you do all the time (I will bow at your feet and beg your wisdom if you figure this out). Make sure one thing does not restrict the other. You will ALWAYS have things competing for your time as there will always only be so many hours in the day.
Just, don't put all your eggs in one basket (I feel this is important to add for some reason). Cause:
a) there are SO many things out there we can feel joyous about, or whilst doing
b) if the basket dissapears you are screw-ED
c) no reason. Just get out there and try new things! It's FUN!! :)
But if you already know what makes you happy and you have a spare moment
Enjoy it
Savour it
LIVE it
The time is now.
RIGHT now.
How sweet is that?!
xox Eagle
Just, don't put all your eggs in one basket (I feel this is important to add for some reason). Cause:
a) there are SO many things out there we can feel joyous about, or whilst doing
b) if the basket dissapears you are screw-ED
c) no reason. Just get out there and try new things! It's FUN!! :)
But if you already know what makes you happy and you have a spare moment
Enjoy it
Savour it
LIVE it
The time is now.
RIGHT now.
How sweet is that?!
xox Eagle
Joy and time management - they don't always go together that well, guess that's where 'sa le vie' comes from!
So what happens when you are completely filled with joy and you find yourself with a few moments to yourself? (cause lets face it, in this day and age between work, love life, friends, eating, cleaning and keeping fit there isn’t a lot of moving room)
When there are so many things in this world that make you feel happy that you can’t pick which one to use this precious hour or so before you have to either go to bed or watch neighbours...
Play my music? Write a poem? Write in my blog? Do something romantic for my lover? Ring a friend and chat and chat about anything and everything? Write a song? Go for a walk in the sunshine? Listen to some music? Stop and smell the roses? Paint?
Ah, the dilemma of how to manage time and also spend it wisely on what makes us happy! The answer? Any of them! Seize the day! Write, play violin, paint! But that means there is no time for my walk, or smelling the roses (oh maybe I could squeeze the roses in as they are sitting right in front of me). And before I know it I feel stressed at the thought that my time will end before I finish these things. The other answer? MAKE time. Don’t watch neighbours. Don’t go to sleep. Though then we pay in other ways. E.g. not being able to work and then not being able to afford to eat!
Oh it IS a predicament!! So what shall I do? All and none of the above. I am going to be full of glee(oh I LOVE that show!) and do what takes my fancy. Prioritise what makes me happiest and also I have possibly neglected for a while. There’s my violin. Time to learn some more! That will make me happy J Time to have a long shower. Time to... whatever. Exsist in this moment for what it is. Pure ecstasy. No drug could make me feel this high. Why? Because it’s impermanent (but hey drugs can make you feel good too, but it’s not a natural good).
What drug am I hooked on? Life. I’m hooked on the moments that are passing me by as I type. I’m hooked on now. I’m hooked on this. I’m hooked on you. I’m hooked on me. I’m hooked! What a cool word. Or it is right this second anyways. I’m aware this is awefully corny and happy and guess what? I love that!! Gotta grab these things as they occur.
Chow, off to do something amazing with my moments (infact I'm practising whilst waiting for this to load - ooooh multitasking! Mind you still enjoy it though)
xox Eagle 24/04/2010
When there are so many things in this world that make you feel happy that you can’t pick which one to use this precious hour or so before you have to either go to bed or watch neighbours...
Play my music? Write a poem? Write in my blog? Do something romantic for my lover? Ring a friend and chat and chat about anything and everything? Write a song? Go for a walk in the sunshine? Listen to some music? Stop and smell the roses? Paint?
Ah, the dilemma of how to manage time and also spend it wisely on what makes us happy! The answer? Any of them! Seize the day! Write, play violin, paint! But that means there is no time for my walk, or smelling the roses (oh maybe I could squeeze the roses in as they are sitting right in front of me). And before I know it I feel stressed at the thought that my time will end before I finish these things. The other answer? MAKE time. Don’t watch neighbours. Don’t go to sleep. Though then we pay in other ways. E.g. not being able to work and then not being able to afford to eat!
Oh it IS a predicament!! So what shall I do? All and none of the above. I am going to be full of glee(oh I LOVE that show!) and do what takes my fancy. Prioritise what makes me happiest and also I have possibly neglected for a while. There’s my violin. Time to learn some more! That will make me happy J Time to have a long shower. Time to... whatever. Exsist in this moment for what it is. Pure ecstasy. No drug could make me feel this high. Why? Because it’s impermanent (but hey drugs can make you feel good too, but it’s not a natural good).
What drug am I hooked on? Life. I’m hooked on the moments that are passing me by as I type. I’m hooked on now. I’m hooked on this. I’m hooked on you. I’m hooked on me. I’m hooked! What a cool word. Or it is right this second anyways. I’m aware this is awefully corny and happy and guess what? I love that!! Gotta grab these things as they occur.
Chow, off to do something amazing with my moments (infact I'm practising whilst waiting for this to load - ooooh multitasking! Mind you still enjoy it though)
xox Eagle 24/04/2010
I don't care what people think anymore... I can't
You know, I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about what other people think. I just can’t. I know everyone does, we all do, but I just don’t think I can do it for much longer without leaping head first into a desperate dark pit of despair.
Why? Because you can’t keep everyone happy all the time! It’s that quote we are told over and over but that NEVER actually sinks into our brains because every time somebody is mean to us, every time someone looks us up and down with distain, every time someone points the finger, even the times when people ARENT pointing the finger we feel to our core that we are worthless. We feel like little children who need to be slapped over the wrist and don’t we deserve that? Because we have been naughty? Because we have done something wrong? Well, to hell with that I think! I’m sick of always feeling like I’ve done something wrong! Cause guess what? It’s human NATURE to make mistakes. And sometimes, it’s not even a mistake! Sometimes, it was a really really really good choice that was disguised as a ‘bad’ thing in our beloved societies eyes. Sometimes we are making really really really GOOD choices for ourselves because we spend SO much time consciously telling ourself what we should and shouldn’t do and think that when we actually just follow our instincts it leads us somewhere good.
K, don’t get me wrong here… I’m not saying that we can do whatever we want and that doesn’t negatively affect people. I’m not saying lets all run out and hit people over the head cause they annoy us. No, no, no. (oh that rehab song came into my head then “I’m saying no, no, no”).
So what AM I trying to say? Who knows? Are you going to hit me over the head cause it annoys you? Go – ooon!
Uuuuuuuuuuuum what I’m saying is. Here I am. I did this for reasons x, y and z. If you can’t take a second to look at what that x, y and z is you have no compassion or understanding. If you can’t stop to wonder why I got to this point, well it’s not my problem. If you want to spend the next 10minutes – 2 weeks of your life b*tching about me behind my back because you know better then me, you always have, you are so much more pefect then I am. Well, do it. But what I am going to do. Is accept that I have done this because of x, y & z. And anyone who doesn’t understand that, well, it’s either because they don’t understand themselves, they can’t understand it because they are so fundamentally different (which is cool), they are emotionally involved (and emotions cloud judgement) or they are just too damn selvish and self involved to give a damn and care more about gossip and drama then the person who is obviously now in quite a tight spot cause not only are they sitting there judging themselves but they are also being judged by everyone around them. Take a second to stop judging, and try and see the hurting person underneath. It will be you soon enough and you will wish only that people will have the compassion and understanding that you need to help you through your hellish ordeal (however if you were the latter drama lovers you might relish the fact that there's some real drama in your life and use it to high heaven - oh yes, I've seen it many times).
By the same token, sometimes people are just *holes and don’t give a sh*t about anyone but themselves. It is also good to learn to recognise these people, so you don’t waste your time or compassion on them. Because believe me, when it comes to the crunch, they have none for you, and they never will (unless of-course they experienced the EXACT same event and they can feel some kind of odd compassion because it was SO traumatic for them and being so self involved it was meaningful to them and they can kind of pat you on the back and through saying poor you are some how still meeting their own needs). Oh wow. That was interesting! Must have some pent up emotion or something about that… see… emotion clouding judgement… or maybe it’s just that the truth hurts.
Just remember, number one, is you. Compassion takes energy, so use it wisely, but do not use it in restriction, when the time comes. And it will. Use your eyes. And see beneath the surface. We all make mistakes. Now WHY did we make them?
And if someone doesn’t understand that. They will never understand me. So what’s the point of caring what they think? I will simply be beating my head against a brick wall that’s about 1000 layers thick. And until something comes internally and knocks that wall down, I aint ever getting through.
I want to care what people think (for some reason). It serves some strange purpose. It’s human nature.
But I just can’t anymore. Go me.
Eagle 24/04/2010
Why? Because you can’t keep everyone happy all the time! It’s that quote we are told over and over but that NEVER actually sinks into our brains because every time somebody is mean to us, every time someone looks us up and down with distain, every time someone points the finger, even the times when people ARENT pointing the finger we feel to our core that we are worthless. We feel like little children who need to be slapped over the wrist and don’t we deserve that? Because we have been naughty? Because we have done something wrong? Well, to hell with that I think! I’m sick of always feeling like I’ve done something wrong! Cause guess what? It’s human NATURE to make mistakes. And sometimes, it’s not even a mistake! Sometimes, it was a really really really good choice that was disguised as a ‘bad’ thing in our beloved societies eyes. Sometimes we are making really really really GOOD choices for ourselves because we spend SO much time consciously telling ourself what we should and shouldn’t do and think that when we actually just follow our instincts it leads us somewhere good.
K, don’t get me wrong here… I’m not saying that we can do whatever we want and that doesn’t negatively affect people. I’m not saying lets all run out and hit people over the head cause they annoy us. No, no, no. (oh that rehab song came into my head then “I’m saying no, no, no”).
So what AM I trying to say? Who knows? Are you going to hit me over the head cause it annoys you? Go – ooon!
Uuuuuuuuuuuum what I’m saying is. Here I am. I did this for reasons x, y and z. If you can’t take a second to look at what that x, y and z is you have no compassion or understanding. If you can’t stop to wonder why I got to this point, well it’s not my problem. If you want to spend the next 10minutes – 2 weeks of your life b*tching about me behind my back because you know better then me, you always have, you are so much more pefect then I am. Well, do it. But what I am going to do. Is accept that I have done this because of x, y & z. And anyone who doesn’t understand that, well, it’s either because they don’t understand themselves, they can’t understand it because they are so fundamentally different (which is cool), they are emotionally involved (and emotions cloud judgement) or they are just too damn selvish and self involved to give a damn and care more about gossip and drama then the person who is obviously now in quite a tight spot cause not only are they sitting there judging themselves but they are also being judged by everyone around them. Take a second to stop judging, and try and see the hurting person underneath. It will be you soon enough and you will wish only that people will have the compassion and understanding that you need to help you through your hellish ordeal (however if you were the latter drama lovers you might relish the fact that there's some real drama in your life and use it to high heaven - oh yes, I've seen it many times).
By the same token, sometimes people are just *holes and don’t give a sh*t about anyone but themselves. It is also good to learn to recognise these people, so you don’t waste your time or compassion on them. Because believe me, when it comes to the crunch, they have none for you, and they never will (unless of-course they experienced the EXACT same event and they can feel some kind of odd compassion because it was SO traumatic for them and being so self involved it was meaningful to them and they can kind of pat you on the back and through saying poor you are some how still meeting their own needs). Oh wow. That was interesting! Must have some pent up emotion or something about that… see… emotion clouding judgement… or maybe it’s just that the truth hurts.
Just remember, number one, is you. Compassion takes energy, so use it wisely, but do not use it in restriction, when the time comes. And it will. Use your eyes. And see beneath the surface. We all make mistakes. Now WHY did we make them?
And if someone doesn’t understand that. They will never understand me. So what’s the point of caring what they think? I will simply be beating my head against a brick wall that’s about 1000 layers thick. And until something comes internally and knocks that wall down, I aint ever getting through.
I want to care what people think (for some reason). It serves some strange purpose. It’s human nature.
But I just can’t anymore. Go me.
Eagle 24/04/2010
Setting the happiness machine in motion, one cog at a time
You know, people always say you can’t feel happy all the time. I mean I know this from personal experience too. But - why not? Why can’t I? I want to feel happy all the time!! I guess throwing a tantrum won’t lead me there… But I guess it’s not a tantrum so much as a non-acceptence that this isn’t so. Or I wish for it desperately not to be so. I think we all do.
On one level I accept it. On one level. Which level is that? The level where I need to accept things so that I can function in everyday society. The level where I need to say to myself “actually, that’s totally normal” – because it is. But also because I think I’d go running and screaming naked down a main hi-way if not (not that everyone would be opposed to this I’d say but I don’t really relish the thought just quietly…)
What level don’t I believe it? On a hope level. The level that keeps us all going. The level that pushes us further and further and beyond where we thought we would reach. You know, I started the day with energy. And now that energy is gone. Did I expend it? Or did it get sapped from me? Did I emotionally drain myself?
Maybe a bit of both.
I think when we can’t accept things in life are the times our lives are in turmoil. I think it’s also the thing that instigates change in the world. I think the times of acceptance are times in our lives when we feel peace. Whether it is a peace of figuring something out we didn’t know before, quiet from our endless thoughts or simply a kind of death of something. Or simply peace of accepting the world for what it is. Accepting people for what it is.
I would like to read more about happiness. Or happiness that other people have studied and learnt about. I have read a fair bit already. But always not enough. And at the end of the day all I have is what I know, what’s inside me. I definitely take other peoples thoughts and feelings on board but at the end of the day, all I have is my own instincts. And what I feel, is that our happiness can be expanded, it can be heightened, and it can be lengthened. Don’t get me wrong. Stuff is going to go down in your life which will be ultra tough. And at those times, maybe the sunshine will disappear behind the clouds for a while. But it’s still there, waiting to come out. The candle inside you is still lit, waiting to burn freely again. Just waiting, waiting, longing, to be free.
So lets let it free. How? I can’t answer that for you. Because I’m not you. All I can tell you is to try. Not to give up. Not to let the flame burn out – though I don’t believe it ever really does (even when it feels like you are so deep down that there will never be any light again) Look down inside yourself. And ask yourself what it is you really want?
What do I want?
What is it I really want?
I bet something popped into your mind.
K, once you answer that. Now…
How do I get there? How do I get to what I want (even if right now what you want scares the sh*t out of you)
Now that’s the hard part. That’s the bit that takes courage. That’s the bit that will cause you heart ache or extreme joy. That’s the bit we get caught on…
We all know what we really want deep down. Just take the time to look. And have the courage to listen to yourself. Then have the courage, to take the next step to change… I mean look, you’ve taken the first step already by knowing what you want, and you do.
The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step…
Just look at the next step. What is one thing I can do to get me there? And when you get around to doing that one thing – because you will, eventually… then ask, what’s the next one thing?
Sometimes this might be simply talking about what’s making you unhappy, reaching out to a friend, walking out your front door, making one phone call or looking up a website or simply accepting that thing that you want. Then when you get there. Then figure out your next move. And maybe try and relax a little in between cause you’re doing well! And there’s no pressure to suddenly change your entire existence on one thought, unless of course you want to.
So, in conclusion…
What’s your next move? I know mine. The wheels are in motion. I challenge you to do the same.
- Eagle 13/04/2010 in need of taking the next step but satisfied that the wheels are already in motion
p.s. here’s an interesting bit of info I found on the afore mentioned quote…
“Although this is the popular form of this quotation, a more correct translation from the original Chinese would be "The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one's feet." Rather than emphasizing the first step, Lau Tzu regarded action as something that arises naturally from stillness. Another potential phrasing would be "Even the longest journey must begin where you stand." [note by Michael Moncur, September 01, 2004]”
I find it strangely relates...
On one level I accept it. On one level. Which level is that? The level where I need to accept things so that I can function in everyday society. The level where I need to say to myself “actually, that’s totally normal” – because it is. But also because I think I’d go running and screaming naked down a main hi-way if not (not that everyone would be opposed to this I’d say but I don’t really relish the thought just quietly…)
What level don’t I believe it? On a hope level. The level that keeps us all going. The level that pushes us further and further and beyond where we thought we would reach. You know, I started the day with energy. And now that energy is gone. Did I expend it? Or did it get sapped from me? Did I emotionally drain myself?
Maybe a bit of both.
I think when we can’t accept things in life are the times our lives are in turmoil. I think it’s also the thing that instigates change in the world. I think the times of acceptance are times in our lives when we feel peace. Whether it is a peace of figuring something out we didn’t know before, quiet from our endless thoughts or simply a kind of death of something. Or simply peace of accepting the world for what it is. Accepting people for what it is.
I would like to read more about happiness. Or happiness that other people have studied and learnt about. I have read a fair bit already. But always not enough. And at the end of the day all I have is what I know, what’s inside me. I definitely take other peoples thoughts and feelings on board but at the end of the day, all I have is my own instincts. And what I feel, is that our happiness can be expanded, it can be heightened, and it can be lengthened. Don’t get me wrong. Stuff is going to go down in your life which will be ultra tough. And at those times, maybe the sunshine will disappear behind the clouds for a while. But it’s still there, waiting to come out. The candle inside you is still lit, waiting to burn freely again. Just waiting, waiting, longing, to be free.
So lets let it free. How? I can’t answer that for you. Because I’m not you. All I can tell you is to try. Not to give up. Not to let the flame burn out – though I don’t believe it ever really does (even when it feels like you are so deep down that there will never be any light again) Look down inside yourself. And ask yourself what it is you really want?
What do I want?
What is it I really want?
I bet something popped into your mind.
K, once you answer that. Now…
How do I get there? How do I get to what I want (even if right now what you want scares the sh*t out of you)
Now that’s the hard part. That’s the bit that takes courage. That’s the bit that will cause you heart ache or extreme joy. That’s the bit we get caught on…
We all know what we really want deep down. Just take the time to look. And have the courage to listen to yourself. Then have the courage, to take the next step to change… I mean look, you’ve taken the first step already by knowing what you want, and you do.
The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step…
Just look at the next step. What is one thing I can do to get me there? And when you get around to doing that one thing – because you will, eventually… then ask, what’s the next one thing?
Sometimes this might be simply talking about what’s making you unhappy, reaching out to a friend, walking out your front door, making one phone call or looking up a website or simply accepting that thing that you want. Then when you get there. Then figure out your next move. And maybe try and relax a little in between cause you’re doing well! And there’s no pressure to suddenly change your entire existence on one thought, unless of course you want to.
So, in conclusion…
What’s your next move? I know mine. The wheels are in motion. I challenge you to do the same.
- Eagle 13/04/2010 in need of taking the next step but satisfied that the wheels are already in motion
p.s. here’s an interesting bit of info I found on the afore mentioned quote…
“Although this is the popular form of this quotation, a more correct translation from the original Chinese would be "The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one's feet." Rather than emphasizing the first step, Lau Tzu regarded action as something that arises naturally from stillness. Another potential phrasing would be "Even the longest journey must begin where you stand." [note by Michael Moncur, September 01, 2004]”
I find it strangely relates...
Friday, 9 April 2010
I see you and it's a beautiful, beautiful thing
You know what I just realised as I was reading through my best friends blog? This is the first time I’ve seen her just as she is. I’m realising she has a lot of anger! Haha or we could call it passion too. A lot of heart. A lot of compassion. I mean, I always knew this, but I just saw her for the first time.
Not molding to match anyone’s personality. Not thinking of the right thing to say or vise versa holding back.
It’s just you. And it’s a beautiful thing. I think it’s so rare that we get to just be who we are in everyday life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we walk around trying to mould or change to suit people (though we do do this at times!). It’s just the reality of life. I have to have a professional hat on at work. When I’m talking with a friend that is sad I get in my listening shoes. When I’m out having a fun night out I get my glad rags on. It’s just what we do. We are human and we have roles. I actually think it’s great we get to tap into our multifaceted personalities on a regular basis and connect to things and people in so many different ways.
But what happens when all of this is stripped away? When we are left with nothing but our mind, a keyboard and some courage? A beautiful thing. The truth. Our truth. And it doesn’t matter if people disagree, or think it’s boring or even think it’s the most fabulous thing they have ever read. It’s just letting people really see us.
Why is it that we find it easier to write emails? Why is it that it’s easier to write a love letter then say it out loud? Why is it SO difficult to bear our souls (as in properly, truly, honestly do it). Well a) because it’s RIDICULOUSLY hard b) because it’s RIDICULOUSLY scary and c) because we NEVER do it on a daily basis. We always are in our different roles in some form.
So, I’m not really sure what my point is here. Just that maybe we should try to do it more often… or maybe it is better when we don’t, because then we are less vulnerable and opening yourself up like that DEFINITELY leaves you in a position to be sucker punched big time. But so rarely does this happen. So rarely does truly opening up leave you empty and broken. So rarely do we fall when we are ourselves. For who we are is strong. Who we are is individual. Who we are is broken. Who we are is beautiful. You are broken, but you are beautiful to me. In fact, your beauty lies within those things that make you unique. So maybe I wouldn't call it broken at all.
If only people took the time to stop and REALLY look. Stop and really love. Stop, and truly be.
For I am the eagle, the phoenix, the nightingale and the lark,
I need beauty, I need freedom, I need passion, I need spark
I am endless, I am fallen, I am nothing, I am passed
I am empty, I am open, I am calling, in the dark
For a shadow, to be lifted, from the darkness, in your heart
Let me see you, let me hear you, let me feel, your beating chest
Let me wake you, let me speak to you, let me open up your heart,
Let me listen, as you ponder, let me hug you, as you cry
Let me laugh, with every story, where people sung, and people cried
Let me let you, see your beauty, where there’s nothing left to hide
For your beauty, shines for miles, and the sunshine, sheds its light
Let me let you, help to show you, you’re everything, in this life
- E.Gill 09/04/2010, no idea where that came from (meathaphorically speaking, i know where it came from literally)! Always the best way. Lots of love xox
Thursday, 8 April 2010
If I didn’t procrastinate I would get so much less social networking time in
I was thinking today, when I was talking about procrastination that so many of my friendships have been formed or strengthened in times I have procrastinated. Who here has not spent time on facebook when they were avoiding another task?
Friendships have been formed with other procrastinators (and my secret theory is that everyone procrastinates to some degree) as we sit on facebook and race to see who can reply the fastest to a thread. Oh, 3 minutes! SNAP. Less then a minute ago. Now THAT’S impressive.
I don’t believe I would be half as emotionally rounded if I didn’t procrastinate. Because is procrastination not simply being in the moment? Following a desire or feeling when you have it. Call poetry when I’m looking out the window at work procrastination, or call it an inspired moment in time that I ran with. And because of that felt happier and more fulfilled and therefore got more work done that day.
Well, that’s the theory. And I like theories. Feel free to blow it out of the water. But stop to think when you are doing so… is there something else I should have been doing? Haha. There is no should. Just other things to do. We just choose or prioritise based on what is most important to us at one moment in time. Unfortunately it’s hard to always be prioritising things we merely do out of necessity when we have whims, desires and hopes. It’s hard to prioritise daily life when our human instincts want us to prioritise our desires. Good luck with your report, good luck with your washing up, good luck with following your heart. I think the latter is my priority, you know, secondarily to eating (though I tend to forget that when I’m not hungry).
Friendships have been formed with other procrastinators (and my secret theory is that everyone procrastinates to some degree) as we sit on facebook and race to see who can reply the fastest to a thread. Oh, 3 minutes! SNAP. Less then a minute ago. Now THAT’S impressive.
I don’t believe I would be half as emotionally rounded if I didn’t procrastinate. Because is procrastination not simply being in the moment? Following a desire or feeling when you have it. Call poetry when I’m looking out the window at work procrastination, or call it an inspired moment in time that I ran with. And because of that felt happier and more fulfilled and therefore got more work done that day.
Well, that’s the theory. And I like theories. Feel free to blow it out of the water. But stop to think when you are doing so… is there something else I should have been doing? Haha. There is no should. Just other things to do. We just choose or prioritise based on what is most important to us at one moment in time. Unfortunately it’s hard to always be prioritising things we merely do out of necessity when we have whims, desires and hopes. It’s hard to prioritise daily life when our human instincts want us to prioritise our desires. Good luck with your report, good luck with your washing up, good luck with following your heart. I think the latter is my priority, you know, secondarily to eating (though I tend to forget that when I’m not hungry).
- E.Gill 08/04/2010 "Vunerability is Strength"
Don't put yourself in a box, look outside it
BACKGROUND LEADING UP TO THIS BLOG
You know, I was trying to figure out a username for my blog. And I was trying to define which bird I was like. I’ve always had an affinity to the Eagle and my Boss coincidently nicknamed me Eagle cause it sounds like my name, E.Gill, get it? hah. Then I read the story about the nightingale and the red rose. And I connected with the nightingale. Then my friend mentioned the phoenix, cause it can rise after it’s died. I felt I had to pick one. THE one. I then wrote a poem with this line being what connects to this blog:
“For I am an eagle, a nightingale, a phonenix, and a lark. I need space, I need love, I need light & I need dark” – E.Gill
Here’s the blog. You work it out how it connects for yourself J Peace and Love xox
BLOG ENTRY
I am many things
We are many things
We try and define ourselves in one box when mostly we fit into hundreds of them.
It is nice to figure things out. Understand ourselves and our thoughts. But I find it un-important to define oneself – explicitly.
Though, in saying that, I find calling myself nuts makes me feel better. I find myself relating to different types of birds or animals…But I wonder if this projection is more about intrinsic understanding rather then definition. If we seek to know someone, understand them, rather then define or confine them would they not be so much more beautiful and mysterious. Would we not feel each heart beat they feel? Walk each step they take? See each miracle they see? Rather then assuming we know what they are/how they feel dependent on which box they fit. Walk in someone else’s shoes. Don’t assume you know their size or what they will like. You don’t KNOW. You only think you know. And if you stop to understand, to listen, perhaps you will find more then you ever dreamed. Perhaps you didn’t know. And this is a wonderful thing. For you suddenly see the world from their perspective and what wonderment this brings. For we each are different. We each are new. We each have something to give this world. We each have a song to sing, until we die.
Don’t confine yourself with boxes. Look outside them, see where else you fit. See where you don’t. Look for the gaps. See the potential.
And go for it.
- Love E 7/4/2010
You know, I was trying to figure out a username for my blog. And I was trying to define which bird I was like. I’ve always had an affinity to the Eagle and my Boss coincidently nicknamed me Eagle cause it sounds like my name, E.Gill, get it? hah. Then I read the story about the nightingale and the red rose. And I connected with the nightingale. Then my friend mentioned the phoenix, cause it can rise after it’s died. I felt I had to pick one. THE one. I then wrote a poem with this line being what connects to this blog:
“For I am an eagle, a nightingale, a phonenix, and a lark. I need space, I need love, I need light & I need dark” – E.Gill
Here’s the blog. You work it out how it connects for yourself J Peace and Love xox
BLOG ENTRY
I am many things
We are many things
We try and define ourselves in one box when mostly we fit into hundreds of them.
It is nice to figure things out. Understand ourselves and our thoughts. But I find it un-important to define oneself – explicitly.
Though, in saying that, I find calling myself nuts makes me feel better. I find myself relating to different types of birds or animals…But I wonder if this projection is more about intrinsic understanding rather then definition. If we seek to know someone, understand them, rather then define or confine them would they not be so much more beautiful and mysterious. Would we not feel each heart beat they feel? Walk each step they take? See each miracle they see? Rather then assuming we know what they are/how they feel dependent on which box they fit. Walk in someone else’s shoes. Don’t assume you know their size or what they will like. You don’t KNOW. You only think you know. And if you stop to understand, to listen, perhaps you will find more then you ever dreamed. Perhaps you didn’t know. And this is a wonderful thing. For you suddenly see the world from their perspective and what wonderment this brings. For we each are different. We each are new. We each have something to give this world. We each have a song to sing, until we die.
Don’t confine yourself with boxes. Look outside them, see where else you fit. See where you don’t. Look for the gaps. See the potential.
And go for it.
- Love E 7/4/2010
Why not? Why Can't I?
Questions to ask yourself before you let excuses get in your way of doing something you want.
Seriously though, the only difference between wishing you could do something and doing it, is actually just doing it! Sounds simple. And it is. Not so much you’re thinking? I didn’t think I could snowboard – I was SO scared of it. Also did NOT think I was hardcore enough at all. Turns out, not only did I snow board, but I snowboarded with my wrong foot forward and could still do all the basics! I won’t say I didn’t cry, I won’t say it didn’t hurt like hell everytime I fell on my a*s. But I will say that I loved it. And I will say that I did it. Simply because I had the balls to do something I wasn’t sure I was capable of. When you feel a twinge of “oh, I could do that” and then you think “oh, actually, maybe I can’t because of x, y & z” and trust me, there will ALWAYS be an x, y & z. Just ask yourself. Well, why not? Like seriously stop and ask yourself. Why not me? All I have to do is book a trip, get on the bus and give it a go. And I did, and I could, and so I was.
I can, I will, I am.
You can be whoever you want to be. You just have to have the confidence to try it. Because I promise you. You can do it. I’m living proof. And so are all the other people who are doing the things you think you aren’t capable of! They were probably just as scared as you! And if they weren’t… well, lucky b*stards eh?
Courage. Not the absence of fear but the strength to overcome it.
So, next big adventure for me? Bunjy jumping – scares the h*ll out of me. But I know I will do it one day, just working my way up to it! I’ve made a pact with a friend that she will sky dive in Australia and I will bungjy jump in NZ. Sounds pretty good to me.
And you know, it doesn’t always have to be so extreme. Maybe just talking to a friend/colleage when you’re a bit shy or don’t exactly know what to say, broaching an akward subject with a partner, getting on a bus, going out with some friends, calling up a new friend to see if they want to catch up with you too. All these things can be hard or you can think you aren’t good enough, or can’t for these reasons. But trust me (oh right, you don’t know me), or better, trust yourself, and just give it a shot. The worst thing that can happen is that you find out it’s true. And what have you lost? Nothing. You’re just still in the same situation probably thankful you gave it a go. But I can guarantee you. Without a doubt. The worst won’t happen, only the best, which is it will open your mind. It will give you strength. You will have taken a step forward and you won’t go backwards. Because you can’t. Because you have grown.
Hey, I’m not saying it won’t be hard or akward! Or you won’t be left feeling a bit used. Haha. I’m saying it will be a wonderful journey with ups and downs and you may finally be doing what you always wished you could. And then some!
- E.Gill 06/04/2010
p.s. and when that feeling of panic rises in your chest… just keep going. It means you are on the right track! And you just have to have courage to push through the fear and reach the other side where you find out how truly beautiful, capable and strong you really are.
Seriously though, the only difference between wishing you could do something and doing it, is actually just doing it! Sounds simple. And it is. Not so much you’re thinking? I didn’t think I could snowboard – I was SO scared of it. Also did NOT think I was hardcore enough at all. Turns out, not only did I snow board, but I snowboarded with my wrong foot forward and could still do all the basics! I won’t say I didn’t cry, I won’t say it didn’t hurt like hell everytime I fell on my a*s. But I will say that I loved it. And I will say that I did it. Simply because I had the balls to do something I wasn’t sure I was capable of. When you feel a twinge of “oh, I could do that” and then you think “oh, actually, maybe I can’t because of x, y & z” and trust me, there will ALWAYS be an x, y & z. Just ask yourself. Well, why not? Like seriously stop and ask yourself. Why not me? All I have to do is book a trip, get on the bus and give it a go. And I did, and I could, and so I was.
I can, I will, I am.
You can be whoever you want to be. You just have to have the confidence to try it. Because I promise you. You can do it. I’m living proof. And so are all the other people who are doing the things you think you aren’t capable of! They were probably just as scared as you! And if they weren’t… well, lucky b*stards eh?
Courage. Not the absence of fear but the strength to overcome it.
So, next big adventure for me? Bunjy jumping – scares the h*ll out of me. But I know I will do it one day, just working my way up to it! I’ve made a pact with a friend that she will sky dive in Australia and I will bungjy jump in NZ. Sounds pretty good to me.
And you know, it doesn’t always have to be so extreme. Maybe just talking to a friend/colleage when you’re a bit shy or don’t exactly know what to say, broaching an akward subject with a partner, getting on a bus, going out with some friends, calling up a new friend to see if they want to catch up with you too. All these things can be hard or you can think you aren’t good enough, or can’t for these reasons. But trust me (oh right, you don’t know me), or better, trust yourself, and just give it a shot. The worst thing that can happen is that you find out it’s true. And what have you lost? Nothing. You’re just still in the same situation probably thankful you gave it a go. But I can guarantee you. Without a doubt. The worst won’t happen, only the best, which is it will open your mind. It will give you strength. You will have taken a step forward and you won’t go backwards. Because you can’t. Because you have grown.
Hey, I’m not saying it won’t be hard or akward! Or you won’t be left feeling a bit used. Haha. I’m saying it will be a wonderful journey with ups and downs and you may finally be doing what you always wished you could. And then some!
- E.Gill 06/04/2010
p.s. and when that feeling of panic rises in your chest… just keep going. It means you are on the right track! And you just have to have courage to push through the fear and reach the other side where you find out how truly beautiful, capable and strong you really are.
The nightingale and the red rose
There is two kinds of richness in the world:
Money richness
And
Emotional richness
Have you read the story about the nightingale and the rose? If the answer is no then read it and come back. There's really no point reading this if you haven't and it's so beautiful that everyone in the world should read it.
http://www.online-literature.com/poe/178/ check it out at this link.
Purity. Love. Kindness. Giving for nothing.
This is a kind of richness that sits in the soul
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune--without the words, And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land, And on the strangest sea; Yet, never, in extremity, It asked a crumb of me.
- Emily Dickenson
The nightingale that gave everything for nothing. Has the purist heart. That ever there was. It had the fullest soul and the richest breast. It made the most beautiful rose and sent ecstasy across the land for a moment. It is everything. And it is nothing. In this world.
The giving of his life. Was the ultimate strength. That the young artist did not have.
You are not alone. In your suffering. There are others who love like this. With a pure heart. And whilst we can’t expect it from the general population there are nightingales out there. But they are rare. And they give themselves and are all too willing to break themselves for the good of another, even when that giving falls on deaf ears, on undeserving hearts, on a party who can not understand the song. Some nightingales need help to become unbroken. So they can freely give their love again. Although they have died inside. Can they be reborn?
This is what I’m trying to find out. What happens when another nightingale comes along? What happens once death comes upon them. When they then need to draw on the strength to give everything once again. When their innocence of the world and love is gone. When reality has reigned down on them of the impracticality of love and the pain it causes?
OMG is this where Florence nightingale comes from? Hah. Just clicked.
Do we push our hearts against the thorn again?
Deep down we know we will do it every time. Time after time. No matter the pain, no matter the sorrow, not matter the outcome. For love, is the most beautiful thing of all.
So,
We do belong to an exclusive club, except the kind anyone can join because everyone in it is so blissfully blind to h*te. So I guess it ends up not being that exclusive in one sense, but in another only the purest can belong. But what I’d like to leave you with, and leave myself with is:
“We might be poor in society’s eyes, but we are rich in our soul”
And richness in the soul goes beyond all barriers. Goes through every door. Reaches every corner of the earth and makes the world stop for a second, before it starts again. And as we press our hearts against the thorn, and as we die, the earth is pure. We have given everything, for nothing in return.
- E.Gill 06/04/2010 “Vulnerability is strength”
Money richness
And
Emotional richness
Have you read the story about the nightingale and the rose? If the answer is no then read it and come back. There's really no point reading this if you haven't and it's so beautiful that everyone in the world should read it.
http://www.online-literature.com/poe/178/ check it out at this link.
Purity. Love. Kindness. Giving for nothing.
This is a kind of richness that sits in the soul
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune--without the words, And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land, And on the strangest sea; Yet, never, in extremity, It asked a crumb of me.
- Emily Dickenson
The nightingale that gave everything for nothing. Has the purist heart. That ever there was. It had the fullest soul and the richest breast. It made the most beautiful rose and sent ecstasy across the land for a moment. It is everything. And it is nothing. In this world.
The giving of his life. Was the ultimate strength. That the young artist did not have.
You are not alone. In your suffering. There are others who love like this. With a pure heart. And whilst we can’t expect it from the general population there are nightingales out there. But they are rare. And they give themselves and are all too willing to break themselves for the good of another, even when that giving falls on deaf ears, on undeserving hearts, on a party who can not understand the song. Some nightingales need help to become unbroken. So they can freely give their love again. Although they have died inside. Can they be reborn?
This is what I’m trying to find out. What happens when another nightingale comes along? What happens once death comes upon them. When they then need to draw on the strength to give everything once again. When their innocence of the world and love is gone. When reality has reigned down on them of the impracticality of love and the pain it causes?
OMG is this where Florence nightingale comes from? Hah. Just clicked.
Do we push our hearts against the thorn again?
Deep down we know we will do it every time. Time after time. No matter the pain, no matter the sorrow, not matter the outcome. For love, is the most beautiful thing of all.
So,
We do belong to an exclusive club, except the kind anyone can join because everyone in it is so blissfully blind to h*te. So I guess it ends up not being that exclusive in one sense, but in another only the purest can belong. But what I’d like to leave you with, and leave myself with is:
“We might be poor in society’s eyes, but we are rich in our soul”
And richness in the soul goes beyond all barriers. Goes through every door. Reaches every corner of the earth and makes the world stop for a second, before it starts again. And as we press our hearts against the thorn, and as we die, the earth is pure. We have given everything, for nothing in return.
- E.Gill 06/04/2010 “Vulnerability is strength”
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